I used to love the first day of school: new clothes, new back pack, new trapper keepers, new pencils, smelly erasers and markers. Everything was new, and if there is something in my life that stands out more than any other it is the possibility of reinvention. To this day I still daydream about that fictional moment when I walk into a room and instead of the awkward, short, chubby brunette, I will be a six-foot tall leggy blonde that gets all the boys' attention. My father is an orthopedic surgeon and we have had discussions about leg extension surgery - serious ones. He says they are much too painful and wouldn't recommend it. I tried making my hair blonde in middle school with bottles of sun-in and ended up looking like an orange tinted skunk. What is my point? Good question, there has to be a point here somewhere...yes, here it is - I found it. The point is this, those kinds of transformations only happen in fairy tales and movies about fairy tales. True transformation begins and ends in the mind. We are who we think we are. People accept the version of ourselves we give them. If I walk into a room and in my mind I am the leggy, gorgeous blonde, people will feel my confidence and will be attracted to talk to me or get to know me, because people are attracted to confidence. If I walk into a room thinking that I am ugly or fat or unfashionable, then others will sense my discomfort with myself and stay away. Why? Because in my mind I am pushing them away. Being comfortable with yourself takes practice, but it is really about clearing away all the debris that is piled up in your mind. Wash away all those negative thoughts about how you are not good enough, pretty, smart, athletic, fashionable enough and see what is left over. You may be surprised to find a lot of positive. Re-train your brain to look at the positive in every situation and pretty soon it will become a habit.
Here are some examples of brain re-training:
1) Maybe your parents had a tough few months and they aren't enough extra funds to get a whole new wardrobe. (This may cover a LOT more kids than you know.) Instead of thinking of how much LESS you have then everyone else, start assessing just how much you DO have. Look at the fashion magazines to see what the latest looks are and see how you can recreate them with what you already have. Fashion goes in cycles, which means that nothing is REALLY new, just brought back and reconditioned. So think of yourself as your own private stylist and have fun.
2) You didn't make varsity on the tennis team during the summer practices. This can go two ways: Not making a team, getting a part in a play, winning contests can be very painful. You can chose to be bitter -blame the coach or another player for getting in your way OR you can look at this as an opportunity. Perhaps this will give you more time to join a club you secretly liked but were afraid it wasn't cool enough. Use the coach's choice, not as a put down of your skills, but a wake-up call that you need to take your game more seriously. When everyone else is at tennis practice, go to the local park and hit against a back board (I used to play against our garage which didn't make my dad too happy.) Maybe there is someone else on the team that would be willing to play with you on the weekends and help you improve. Remember that when it comes to tennis, it is always better to play with someone slightly above your level to help you raise your own game.
I try to surround myself with people that are smarter, prettier and more successful than I am. The smarter people remind me to always be reading and learning, the pretty people teach me how to love myself and the successful people teach me never to give up. This way, I walk into every room like a six-foot tall blonde goddess who is ready to take on the world and with a wonderful support group of friends and family - how can I not?
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