I am not sure if word has gotten around LA, but on September 18th, a fourteen year old Freshman at my old High School in Williamsville, NY killed himself. Before committing this senseless, painful act, Jamey cried out to the world wide web and asked for help. One week after his death, his sister was at a homecoming event and a girl walked up to her and told her she was glad that Jamey was dead. This girl has since been suspended. The Internet is ablaze with finger pointing and anger; everyone wants to blame someone, but in this case and in many cases of bullying, the B-word (blame) is not so clear.
Williamsville North is a big, suburban public high school. When my sister went in the early 80's there was a courtyard where all the "rats" went to smoke. By the time I got there, it was incredible to think that would be allowed on campus, but the stigma of being a rat remained. There was certainly a class divide between those students who lived in section 8 housing and those of us that were fortunate enough to live in places like Forest Heights - the "Beverly Hills" of Williamsville North. Don't get the wrong idea, it wasn't just economics that separated us. I may have lived in Forest Heights, but I was certainly no where near the top of the food chain at that school, and I left after my Freshman year because of several reasons - one of them being bullying/harassment. A glaring difference between myself and Jamey is that I didn't tell anyone about my abuse. Who was going to do anything about me getting physically harassed in English class when there were 38 other kids in the class and the guidance counselor didn't even know my name or anything about me? I was just a number, and since I didn't make trouble and got decent grades, I was an invisible, imaginary number. What would my experience be if I had the soothing, anonymous womb of the Internet to turn to? How much greater would my harassment been if the popular kids could have written something nasty on my FaceBook page instead of just pulling the chair out from under me in the cafeteria? One of the reasons I became a teacher was to be the person that saw invisible numbers and gave them a face, a name and place in the community. Seeing the varied reactions to Jamey's death brings it all back to the forefront, and being out of the high school setting for the first time in over ten years makes it clear to me how much damage can be done during those four torturous years.
There is a beautiful video on the Facing History and Ourselves website, (an organization I am proud to have been a part of,) where an eighth grade girl tells the story of her small private school. They all came from the same socio-economic and religious background yet they felt an urgent need to create an other and ostracize each other. At one point, she was brought in by the alpha click to throw one of her fellow misfits under the bus and she acquiesced. It felt good to be in the power position for once. She was ashamed of her weakness at that moment, but at least she recognized it and began to correct it; not an easy thing to do at fourteen years old.
As adults, it doesn't get any easier. High school shenanigans continue to haunt each of us as we try to navigate our way through the perils of friendship and keeping up with supposed societal norms. These things are all in our head as adults, we can walk away - be the bigger person or learn to stand up for ourselves and fortunately if things escalate, we have the law on our sides. For children, and teenagers are still children, the rules are smeared on the wall of expectations. Are parents hovering too close with their codling and fighting of their childrens' battles? Are schools too afraid to inflame the ire of litigious parents? Are teachers too concerned about the fallible governmental educational policies to be able to take the time to address what is going on all around them? Are kids today too desensitized by video games and the numbing anonymity of online life? While I may not have answers to these questions, I feel it is time to start asking them and get the conversation going.
I am an idealist when it comes to teaching and kids. I believe that every kid has the ability to succeed with the right amount of support. Sometimes that is why teaching is such a difficult task, as teachers all over this country give of themselves every day to try to fill the gaps and be a bridge of strength to one child after the next. Our system is broken folks - B-roken and we are the only ones who can change it. It starts here. Let's make the B-Words that we think of the most be beautiful and bountiful, bibliophile and buoyant. I hope that those kids, parents, teachers and administrators at Williamsville North take this opportunity to heal and grow and finally hold a mirror up to themselves to make an honest change.
Thanks for staying with me on this most personal post - I look forward to reading your comments.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The First Day Has Arrived!
I used to love the first day of school: new clothes, new back pack, new trapper keepers, new pencils, smelly erasers and markers. Everything was new, and if there is something in my life that stands out more than any other it is the possibility of reinvention. To this day I still daydream about that fictional moment when I walk into a room and instead of the awkward, short, chubby brunette, I will be a six-foot tall leggy blonde that gets all the boys' attention. My father is an orthopedic surgeon and we have had discussions about leg extension surgery - serious ones. He says they are much too painful and wouldn't recommend it. I tried making my hair blonde in middle school with bottles of sun-in and ended up looking like an orange tinted skunk. What is my point? Good question, there has to be a point here somewhere...yes, here it is - I found it. The point is this, those kinds of transformations only happen in fairy tales and movies about fairy tales. True transformation begins and ends in the mind. We are who we think we are. People accept the version of ourselves we give them. If I walk into a room and in my mind I am the leggy, gorgeous blonde, people will feel my confidence and will be attracted to talk to me or get to know me, because people are attracted to confidence. If I walk into a room thinking that I am ugly or fat or unfashionable, then others will sense my discomfort with myself and stay away. Why? Because in my mind I am pushing them away. Being comfortable with yourself takes practice, but it is really about clearing away all the debris that is piled up in your mind. Wash away all those negative thoughts about how you are not good enough, pretty, smart, athletic, fashionable enough and see what is left over. You may be surprised to find a lot of positive. Re-train your brain to look at the positive in every situation and pretty soon it will become a habit.
Here are some examples of brain re-training:
1) Maybe your parents had a tough few months and they aren't enough extra funds to get a whole new wardrobe. (This may cover a LOT more kids than you know.) Instead of thinking of how much LESS you have then everyone else, start assessing just how much you DO have. Look at the fashion magazines to see what the latest looks are and see how you can recreate them with what you already have. Fashion goes in cycles, which means that nothing is REALLY new, just brought back and reconditioned. So think of yourself as your own private stylist and have fun.
2) You didn't make varsity on the tennis team during the summer practices. This can go two ways: Not making a team, getting a part in a play, winning contests can be very painful. You can chose to be bitter -blame the coach or another player for getting in your way OR you can look at this as an opportunity. Perhaps this will give you more time to join a club you secretly liked but were afraid it wasn't cool enough. Use the coach's choice, not as a put down of your skills, but a wake-up call that you need to take your game more seriously. When everyone else is at tennis practice, go to the local park and hit against a back board (I used to play against our garage which didn't make my dad too happy.) Maybe there is someone else on the team that would be willing to play with you on the weekends and help you improve. Remember that when it comes to tennis, it is always better to play with someone slightly above your level to help you raise your own game.
I try to surround myself with people that are smarter, prettier and more successful than I am. The smarter people remind me to always be reading and learning, the pretty people teach me how to love myself and the successful people teach me never to give up. This way, I walk into every room like a six-foot tall blonde goddess who is ready to take on the world and with a wonderful support group of friends and family - how can I not?
Here are some examples of brain re-training:
1) Maybe your parents had a tough few months and they aren't enough extra funds to get a whole new wardrobe. (This may cover a LOT more kids than you know.) Instead of thinking of how much LESS you have then everyone else, start assessing just how much you DO have. Look at the fashion magazines to see what the latest looks are and see how you can recreate them with what you already have. Fashion goes in cycles, which means that nothing is REALLY new, just brought back and reconditioned. So think of yourself as your own private stylist and have fun.
2) You didn't make varsity on the tennis team during the summer practices. This can go two ways: Not making a team, getting a part in a play, winning contests can be very painful. You can chose to be bitter -blame the coach or another player for getting in your way OR you can look at this as an opportunity. Perhaps this will give you more time to join a club you secretly liked but were afraid it wasn't cool enough. Use the coach's choice, not as a put down of your skills, but a wake-up call that you need to take your game more seriously. When everyone else is at tennis practice, go to the local park and hit against a back board (I used to play against our garage which didn't make my dad too happy.) Maybe there is someone else on the team that would be willing to play with you on the weekends and help you improve. Remember that when it comes to tennis, it is always better to play with someone slightly above your level to help you raise your own game.
I try to surround myself with people that are smarter, prettier and more successful than I am. The smarter people remind me to always be reading and learning, the pretty people teach me how to love myself and the successful people teach me never to give up. This way, I walk into every room like a six-foot tall blonde goddess who is ready to take on the world and with a wonderful support group of friends and family - how can I not?
Monday, August 29, 2011
Summer Reading Happened So Fast...
If you are anything like me, you wait until the last minute to do - well anything really. When it came to assignments like summer reading, I usually waited until a few days before school began to pick up those dusty tomes. Don't get me wrong, I began each summer with the best intentions, but chilling out on the lake with my friends at summer camp definitely trumped getting deep into Huck Finn or The Awakening. What ended up happening was that I was half way through the book once school began and tried to fake my way through the first set of class discussions and of course the dreaded first essay of the year. This caused me stress, set me behind the others in my class and introduced me to my new English teachers as a slacker or even worse, a less than A student. I knew I had it in me to read these books; read deeply between the lines and come up with intelligent analysis, but the lazy - summer is too short to waste it on reading side always won out. LA kids, in my defense, I grew up in Buffalo where we had snow from October through May - leaving us little outside time without five pairs of pants, a hat and two pairs of gloves. Still, it was no excuse and if I could do high school all over again, besides having more confidence and caring less about what people thought of me, I would certainly change my attitude towards summer reading.
WHY DO TEACHERS ASSIGN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Excellent question and to be honest, it is something that English teachers sit around and discuss in schools across the country. Here are a few reasons why summer reading is important: 1) It keeps up your skills over the summer when you aren't forced to think. 2) Reading, if you haven't figured out already, is an excellent way to improve your vocabulary skills.
3) Throughout the school year you are assigned books to read along with chapters in history class, problems in math class and lab reports in science class. Summer reading is a chance for you to appreciate the beauty of literature without all the other traffic going through your brain.
4) When students come to class on the first day, it is an excellent starting point for class discussions as well as a barometer for teachers to see where your skill level is right from the start.
5) We love to torture you! (No - we don't, really - I swear.)
For those of you who are looking at the upcoming labor day weekend as the last gasp of summer vacation - it is not too late. Take about thirty minutes a day in a quiet spot and get reading. That gives you eight days and four hours total to get as much reading done as possible. You may find when you schedule out thirty minute blocks, that you are more focused on the task at hand AND, surprisingly enough, time may fly because the book is actually good?!
What if you are a struggling reader and although you have tried to read this stupid, boring book that your teacher forced you to read, you keep reading the same sentence twenty times and can't get into it? 1) Talk to your teacher right away and let them know about your struggles. Chances are they will have some strategies to help you get through your reading. 2) Check online to see if there are any discussion boards about the novel - you may get inspired by other student reviews or fun student films based on the book found on youtube. 3) Do NOT rent the movie and think you are going to get away with not reading the book. Your teacher will know. Your teacher will know and they will not be impressed with what they perceive as laziness. They will be impressed with you being proactive in seeking help - so ask for it! I will have plenty of posts on reading struggles and how to surpass them so keep up with the blog and enjoy the rest of your summer vacation!
WHY DO TEACHERS ASSIGN IT IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Excellent question and to be honest, it is something that English teachers sit around and discuss in schools across the country. Here are a few reasons why summer reading is important: 1) It keeps up your skills over the summer when you aren't forced to think. 2) Reading, if you haven't figured out already, is an excellent way to improve your vocabulary skills.
3) Throughout the school year you are assigned books to read along with chapters in history class, problems in math class and lab reports in science class. Summer reading is a chance for you to appreciate the beauty of literature without all the other traffic going through your brain.
4) When students come to class on the first day, it is an excellent starting point for class discussions as well as a barometer for teachers to see where your skill level is right from the start.
5) We love to torture you! (No - we don't, really - I swear.)
For those of you who are looking at the upcoming labor day weekend as the last gasp of summer vacation - it is not too late. Take about thirty minutes a day in a quiet spot and get reading. That gives you eight days and four hours total to get as much reading done as possible. You may find when you schedule out thirty minute blocks, that you are more focused on the task at hand AND, surprisingly enough, time may fly because the book is actually good?!
What if you are a struggling reader and although you have tried to read this stupid, boring book that your teacher forced you to read, you keep reading the same sentence twenty times and can't get into it? 1) Talk to your teacher right away and let them know about your struggles. Chances are they will have some strategies to help you get through your reading. 2) Check online to see if there are any discussion boards about the novel - you may get inspired by other student reviews or fun student films based on the book found on youtube. 3) Do NOT rent the movie and think you are going to get away with not reading the book. Your teacher will know. Your teacher will know and they will not be impressed with what they perceive as laziness. They will be impressed with you being proactive in seeking help - so ask for it! I will have plenty of posts on reading struggles and how to surpass them so keep up with the blog and enjoy the rest of your summer vacation!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
SYLLABUSTED
I didn't hear the word syllabus until I went to college, but these days the dreaded syllabus is slapped on every high school desk from Buffalo to Brentwood the first day of school. As a teacher, going over the syllabus is about as exciting as cleaning up specks of marker from the dry erase board at the end of the day. For students, whose eyes glaze over after having read 7 of these suckers before mine, each syllabus is like another brick weighing them down along with their 50 pound backpacks. But this post is not about whining - no, this post is about how to bust through the syllabus and use it as a secret blue print to getting a good grade.
Let's take a look at a typical syllabus - pull one out at random - go ahead. It doesn't really matter which subject. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Got it? OK. On most typical syllabi, the top of the page (or gasp! pages) should be the course name and the name of your teacher along with their objectives for the course. Why is this important? Well, for one to make sure you are signed up for the right class and two, to get a feel for what you are in for and if your teacher is a total windbag that likes to hear themselves talk (ha ha.)
The next part can be the MOST USEFUL to you later on in the year: The Grade Breakdown. This is your secret code to an A people so pay attention! Is this a teacher that counts class participation for 40% of your grade? If so, make sure to pay close attention to the c.p. section further down and make sure to adhere to all of the requirements. Is homework a big deal? Better make sure that you turn yours in on time and thoughtfully completed, (there will be PLENTY of posts on here about homework I promise.) Are tests and projects 50% of the grade? If so, then guess what? Studying on the daily is going to help you raise those big ticket grades (sorry for the reality check.) On the same note, waiting till the last minute to study for tests or start projects ("What, me? Wait till 1am the night before the project is due?") is NOT an option. Since your teacher put so much time into making these percentages (and believe me, they are not random quick picks from the local 7-11,) they mean something (Parents - insert Close Encounters reference here.) When you are wondering how you ended up with that 71 come progress report time, refer back to this section and figure it out. Believe me, your teacher will be impressed that you paid attention and care enough to advocate (notice I didn't say "fight for") the grade you deserve (also more on this later.)
Office Hours and Extra Help: Keep track of when your teachers will be around to help YOU. Sure, teachers actually have lives and would like to get to the gym or go grocery shopping at some point, but we wouldn't be teachers if we actually put ourselves before other people's needs so take advantage of our pathetically kind souls; at the same time be RESPECTFUL about their time. Remember that they would like to go to the gym or grocery shopping and may have their own kids at home that are waiting for them to pick them up from soccer practice or choir rehearsal. If you have to cancel, just let them know ahead of time. Blowing off a teacher who has sacrificed their free time to help you is not the best way to get in their good graces. This section usually includes an office phone number and an email address. I will have separate posts on how to properly write your teacher an email inquiry, but for now just make sure you keep these close at hand.
Book List and Materials: This should take the guess work out of what you are going to need for this class. Many times you get the book list at some point over the summer. Even if you are staying at your beach house in St. Tropez or sailing on Lake Tahoe, there is this thing called the Internet where you can find cheap versions of the books you need with plenty of time to get them shipped by the first week of school. Be proactive. Also - be green. I am sure you know someone else that has taken this class before, perhaps they would be willing to sell you (or even better, give you) their copies. Also recycle. How often do you use every page of spiral notebooks during a whole school year? Try ripping out the used pages and saving the rest for a new course. If the cover is trashed with Belieber scribbles, you can cover it up with a piece of cardboard - leaving you plenty of room for Taylor Lautner doodles.
Last but not least is ...Student Expectations: Yes, you have some control over the grade you get in this class. If you actually read and abide by these expectations, you should be fine. A few of my more motivated students taped these into the inside cover of their notebooks. They ended the year with an A. Will you?
Let's take a look at a typical syllabus - pull one out at random - go ahead. It doesn't really matter which subject. Don't worry, I'll wait.
Got it? OK. On most typical syllabi, the top of the page (or gasp! pages) should be the course name and the name of your teacher along with their objectives for the course. Why is this important? Well, for one to make sure you are signed up for the right class and two, to get a feel for what you are in for and if your teacher is a total windbag that likes to hear themselves talk (ha ha.)
The next part can be the MOST USEFUL to you later on in the year: The Grade Breakdown. This is your secret code to an A people so pay attention! Is this a teacher that counts class participation for 40% of your grade? If so, make sure to pay close attention to the c.p. section further down and make sure to adhere to all of the requirements. Is homework a big deal? Better make sure that you turn yours in on time and thoughtfully completed, (there will be PLENTY of posts on here about homework I promise.) Are tests and projects 50% of the grade? If so, then guess what? Studying on the daily is going to help you raise those big ticket grades (sorry for the reality check.) On the same note, waiting till the last minute to study for tests or start projects ("What, me? Wait till 1am the night before the project is due?") is NOT an option. Since your teacher put so much time into making these percentages (and believe me, they are not random quick picks from the local 7-11,) they mean something (Parents - insert Close Encounters reference here.) When you are wondering how you ended up with that 71 come progress report time, refer back to this section and figure it out. Believe me, your teacher will be impressed that you paid attention and care enough to advocate (notice I didn't say "fight for") the grade you deserve (also more on this later.)
Office Hours and Extra Help: Keep track of when your teachers will be around to help YOU. Sure, teachers actually have lives and would like to get to the gym or go grocery shopping at some point, but we wouldn't be teachers if we actually put ourselves before other people's needs so take advantage of our pathetically kind souls; at the same time be RESPECTFUL about their time. Remember that they would like to go to the gym or grocery shopping and may have their own kids at home that are waiting for them to pick them up from soccer practice or choir rehearsal. If you have to cancel, just let them know ahead of time. Blowing off a teacher who has sacrificed their free time to help you is not the best way to get in their good graces. This section usually includes an office phone number and an email address. I will have separate posts on how to properly write your teacher an email inquiry, but for now just make sure you keep these close at hand.
Book List and Materials: This should take the guess work out of what you are going to need for this class. Many times you get the book list at some point over the summer. Even if you are staying at your beach house in St. Tropez or sailing on Lake Tahoe, there is this thing called the Internet where you can find cheap versions of the books you need with plenty of time to get them shipped by the first week of school. Be proactive. Also - be green. I am sure you know someone else that has taken this class before, perhaps they would be willing to sell you (or even better, give you) their copies. Also recycle. How often do you use every page of spiral notebooks during a whole school year? Try ripping out the used pages and saving the rest for a new course. If the cover is trashed with Belieber scribbles, you can cover it up with a piece of cardboard - leaving you plenty of room for Taylor Lautner doodles.
Last but not least is ...Student Expectations: Yes, you have some control over the grade you get in this class. If you actually read and abide by these expectations, you should be fine. A few of my more motivated students taped these into the inside cover of their notebooks. They ended the year with an A. Will you?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Best Intentions
The alarm is set, your clothes are laid out and there you are - lying in bed wishing for some solid sleep. You peek out the corner of your eye to check on the time and there it is....one minute since you checked last. Why can't you get to sleep when you know that tomorrow is a BIG day? Excitement, anticipation, fear. These are common feelings the night before the first day of school, and I am talking about the teachers! As a highly reflective teacher, one of the things I love about teaching is the opportunity to start fresh every day. Make an embarrassing mistake in front of 24 thirteen year olds? Tomorrow is a new day. A certain student drive you crazy during eighth period? Tomorrow is a new day. But the greatest opportunity of all (and yes I am well aware that one should not begin sentences with a conjunction except for affect like in this instance,) is the golden road of possibilities that lie ahead before each new year of school.
So.....if you are one of those victims of nervous energy and excitement I have a solution. First, as a writer, I always keep a pen and pad by my bed in case I have a brilliant idea in the middle of the night (it happens.) So grab a pen and paper and right there and then make a list of all the things you would like to accomplish this school year. Maybe it is just keeping up with your homework or making new friends. Putting your goals down on paper will allow you to expend that energy in a positive way and help you visually see all the positive things you are going to be doing for yourself. Once your list is made, you can put it in a drawer and take it out from time to time to remind yourself of your goals. If you are REALLY serious, tape your list to your mirror so you can remind yourself to pursue these goals every day.
Here is one more suggestion if you are not a list person: Write yourself a letter! No, this doesn't mean that you have a personality disorder, it is another way to set some goals. You can even mail yourself the letter in a few months and see how you measured up. Here is an example of a letter you could write to yourself:
Dear Nancy,
Tomorrow is the first day of school and I am so nervous. Last year I really struggled with math and it made me so depressed. I think that this year when I start to struggle I will get over myself and ask the teacher for some help instead of hiding from him - he is pretty scary looking. I bet he is not that bad once you get to know him and geometry could be fun - I like shapes. Anyway, I also want to run for office this year and expand my role as a leader in the school - not only will it look good for college, but it will teach me a lot and maybe I will get to know more people - sometimes I can get pretty shy. Not this year! OK - going back to sleep now. Hope all this comes true by the time you read this letter.
Love,
Nancy
So.....if you are one of those victims of nervous energy and excitement I have a solution. First, as a writer, I always keep a pen and pad by my bed in case I have a brilliant idea in the middle of the night (it happens.) So grab a pen and paper and right there and then make a list of all the things you would like to accomplish this school year. Maybe it is just keeping up with your homework or making new friends. Putting your goals down on paper will allow you to expend that energy in a positive way and help you visually see all the positive things you are going to be doing for yourself. Once your list is made, you can put it in a drawer and take it out from time to time to remind yourself of your goals. If you are REALLY serious, tape your list to your mirror so you can remind yourself to pursue these goals every day.
Here is one more suggestion if you are not a list person: Write yourself a letter! No, this doesn't mean that you have a personality disorder, it is another way to set some goals. You can even mail yourself the letter in a few months and see how you measured up. Here is an example of a letter you could write to yourself:
Dear Nancy,
Tomorrow is the first day of school and I am so nervous. Last year I really struggled with math and it made me so depressed. I think that this year when I start to struggle I will get over myself and ask the teacher for some help instead of hiding from him - he is pretty scary looking. I bet he is not that bad once you get to know him and geometry could be fun - I like shapes. Anyway, I also want to run for office this year and expand my role as a leader in the school - not only will it look good for college, but it will teach me a lot and maybe I will get to know more people - sometimes I can get pretty shy. Not this year! OK - going back to sleep now. Hope all this comes true by the time you read this letter.
Love,
Nancy
Monday, August 22, 2011
The school year is upon us!
Argh! What happened to summer? One minute we are complaining about the traffic on the PCH, and now we find ourselves in Target looking for school supplies. There can be a lot of stress that surfaces around this time of year; my goal is to offer support to you throughout the school year with tips, quips and the wisdom of a seasoned teacher who has yet to burn out the light of passion for teaching.
If your child is entering 7th-12th grade, I can come to the rescue in several high stress situations: Feeling overwhelmed by homework? Can't keep papers and class notes straight? Have a big project due or essay to write? Study hard for tests, but not getting the grades you deserve? Reading books but not understanding what you are reading?
Call upon SHAMAS to solve these problems with your child.
If your child is entering 7th-12th grade, I can come to the rescue in several high stress situations: Feeling overwhelmed by homework? Can't keep papers and class notes straight? Have a big project due or essay to write? Study hard for tests, but not getting the grades you deserve? Reading books but not understanding what you are reading?
Call upon SHAMAS to solve these problems with your child.
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